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Category Archives: The Pooniverse

Charles Darwin: On the Origin of Feces

on_the_origin_of_species

When Charles Darwin landed upon the shores of the Galapapoos islands the scientific community would be changed forever.

Darwin, a young English Naturalist, had long theorized that the variety of feces was due to the processes of evolpootion. These processes, most notably natural selection (often referred to as ‘survival of the shittest’) suggested that a particular type of feces was more likely to succeed if it had a greater ability to adapt to its environment.

Darwins theories faced a great deal of skepticism from his peers. The conservative view points of his day refused to believe that all feces derived from a common ancestor; scientists refused to believe the origin of life may have developed from the gradual evolution of molecules contained in the primordial poop into life as we know it now. However, Darwins voyage on the HMasS  Beagle would help prove the skeptics wrong.

When Darwin visited the Galapapoos islands, he noted that the feces on the island had developed separately from surrounding areas. This provided Darwin an opportunity to study the mutations which occurred in the feces on the Galapapoos Island. One of his main observations was the variety in the brown hues of the feces and the remnants of diet (primarily corn) prominent in the field dwelling feces. One of Darwin’s favorite feces, (second only to the prairie dog) was the ‘The DooDoo bird’. While on the islands he focassed the majority of his time studying its movements. Darwin truly loved the movements of the Doo Doo bird and would have been deeply troubled when it went exstinky.

 

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2013 in Farticles, The Pooniverse

 

Breaking Poos

Pouston, TX – The scientific community at NASA headquarters was stunned today by the discovery of a massive brown hole located on the outer edge of a nearby galaxy. Confirmation of the discovery came late in the evening, as a full system check was required to determine that the telescope was functioning correctly. After a thorough clean sweep, scientists confirmed that the telescope was in fact observing a massive brown hole.

While the cause of the brown hole is yet to be determined, scientists are speculating that a shift in the subpootomic farticles has created instability in the fabrics of space and time. The apparent weakness in the space farticles primed conditions to be perfect for the development of a black hole. Why the farticles reflect a brown color remains to be a mystery, however, scientists speculate that the brown hue is a reflection of the hue found at the origins of the universe.

cob launch

The news of the discovery reached the Brown House shortly after it was confirmed by NASA. The President responded immediately and confirmed that funding would be made available for exploration of the brown hole by asstronauts late in 2013. NASA responded with plans to send their best crew of asstronaunts on a deep space exploration that would see them interact intimately with the brown hole. “This is a very exciting time for space exploration and all asstroaunts” stated Kernel Maze, the lead asstronaut for the mission to the brown hole, “we’ve been waiting long and hard for something like this and we’re very excited to be the first to touch the brown hole”.

Preparation for the mission will begin late in the spring, beginning with the development of NASA’s COBB program and the completion of their newest space shuttle, the COBB 2. Scientists are hoping that the COBB 2 will take flight, led by asstronaunt Kernal Maze, in the early months of 2014.

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2013 in Farticles, The Pooniverse

 

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